If you are an adult child of divorce, I know how deeply your heart has been torn. Even if your parents divorced decades ago, you still have scars that sometimes hurt. I have learned how to repair my heart with God’s help, and I want to give you hope through my story.
My Story of Healing
My heart was torn between two homes as a child of divorce. I was four years old when my parents divorced. My dad remarried right away, but I was 13 when my mom remarried. My dad divorced and remarried again when I was 22 years old. Divorce also tore apart my dad’s childhood, and it’s been a generational curse in my ex-husband’s family too.
Even before my parents divorced, I had a father wound. My father was unable to care for me as well as I wanted, because he had his own deep childhood wounds from his mother. As far back as I can remember, I longed for my father wound to be healed.
Fortunately, I grew up in the church. I remember feeling comforted by God’s presence as a little girl. When I was only three years old, I remember a deep peace settling over me during worship services. I sensed that my heavenly Father was near me at all times, even when my parents were not.
My family dysfunction continued, year after year. I could not find healing for my father wound in human relationships. Yet I regularly cried out to my heavenly Father for comfort, which he lovingly provided. Often, even when I became an adult, I would picture myself crawling up into my heavenly Father’s lap, like a little girl does with her daddy. Though I couldn’t actually see God’s arms holding me, I felt soothed by his loving presence.
I could not find #healing for my father wound in human relationships. Yet I regularly cried out to my heavenly Father for #comfort, which he lovingly provided. Click To Tweet
Close to my Broken Heart
God knew my heart was broken in half by my parents’ divorce. He drew close to my broken heart. He knew how difficult it was for me to go back and forth between two households. God saw the unfairness and lack of love. He knew my loneliness and frustration. My heavenly Father was with me when I withdrew into private worlds to escape the pain. He heard my cries and allowed me to freely express my hurts through prayer. Even as a young girl, I sensed God’s presence and unconditional love within my struggles.
My heavenly Father saved me when I was crushed in spirit. Right before my darkest depression in high school, I had a spiritual rebirth experience. God upheld me through my valleys, and you can read more about that period of my life in this post.
How has God helped heal your broken heart after your parents’ divorce? Maybe you have only begun your journey of healing. Perhaps you’ve walked it for a long time and are still looking for more help. I know it takes a long time for our hearts to heal, no matter how old we were when the divorce occurred. My heart hurt in different ways at age 4, 13 and 22. What is the state of your heart now, as compared to when the break happened?
How has God helped heal your broken heart after your parents' divorce? This is my story of healing. #adultchildofdivorce #acod Click To Tweet
Healing Power of Counseling
God healed me and bound up my wounds through Christian counseling. As an adult, I explored the sources of my pain in counseling sessions. God showed me how to forgive others who caused pain that wasn’t my fault. He showed me how to forgive myself for self-inflicted wounds. The process of forgiveness took many years. I wrote out the hurts, cried over the losses, accepted that I can’t change the past, and let the hurts go. The hurts are part of my story, but they don’t burden me as they did in the past.
Through counseling I learned new ways to process pain:
- Stop my cycles of self-condemnation and self-destruction.
- Change the way I talk to myself in my head.
- Recognize anger as a good sign that something is wrong and needs attention.
- Refuse to bury anger any longer, as it turns into depression.
- Reach out for help rather than withdraw when overwhelmed with pain.
- Accept that I can’t control painful situations, but I can control my thoughts and responses.
Have you received counseling as an adult child of divorce? I believe it’s essential for most of us. The problems are too complicated for us to handle on our own. I’ve also received affirmation and help from reading this book by John Trent and this book by Judith Wallerstein. I encourage you to seek Christian counseling if you have never received it before. It may be the very best investment you ever make in yourself.
Have you received counseling as an adult child of divorce? I believe it's essential for most of us. #healing #adultchildofdivorce Click To Tweet
Healing in My Own Family
God gave me healing with my own home and my own family. I work hard to create the home I didn’t have as a child: a home of security, stability, and nurture. My primary motivation in pushing through our marriage struggles was to spare our children the hurt my ex-husband and I experienced as children of divorce. Though our marriage ended in 2022 due to my ex’s ungodly decisions, God still gives me new life and hope within my own family with my three children.
You can do the same in your own family today. You are not doomed to repeat your parents’ mistakes. With God’s help, you can create a new future. I pray that you will seek guidance and comfort from your heavenly Father as you move forward in faith.
You are not doomed to repeat your parents' mistakes. With God's help, you can create a new future. #newfuture #healing #adultchildofdivorce Click To Tweet
Repair Your Heart with Psalms
God’s Word has been my main source for healing. I am thankful that I memorized many verses as a Lutheran school girl, which stay with me even today. The Psalms were especially helpful for repairing my heart. God gave me healing through these verses:
Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. Psalm 27:10 NLT
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 NIV
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 NIV
These verses are a healing balm for adult children of divorce. As you meditate on them and use them to form your prayers, your heavenly Father will help you heal. I’ve created a free printable of meditation verses for you along with the prayer below.
I also host a podcast especially for adult children of divorce. Check it out HERE.
Prayer for Adult Child of Divorce
Heavenly Father, I praise you because you draw close to me in my pain as a child of divorce. You care about my heart, so you provide healing. Thank you for binding up my wounds with your Word and with the help of friends and counselors. Help me create a home filled with hope in you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Free printable: Meditation verses for an adult child of divorce. #acod #adultchildofdivorce #healing Click To Tweet
Scripture Meditations for Healing
Reflection
If you are an adult child of divorce, how do your father or mother wounds affect you today?
How has God healed the broken places in your heart? How has he bound up your wounds?
Which of the verses from Psalms brings you the most comfort today?
Join me on my podcast specifically for adult children of divorce HERE.
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