One Year Post-Divorce: Lessons I’ve Learned

I could write a whole book one year post-divorce about the lessons I’ve learned. Today, I’m giving you an overview in this blog post, plus announce a giveaway and a giving opportunity.

One Year Post-Divorce: Lessons I’ve Learned

If you’re joining me today from my devotion at Proverbs 31 Ministries, welcome! If you haven’t yet read the devotion, head HERE to get started.

Here’s a quick synopsis of my story.

In January 2022, my husband of 21 years left me and my three children abruptly. The divorce was final in early March. Immediately afterward, additional trauma developed right next to our physical location, and there was more betrayal trauma from family members.

Though the entire marriage was emotionally abusive and plagued by addiction, I reeled from the sudden shock. Eighteen months after his departure, I’m still trying to heal from the emotional pain, and I’m dealing with PTSD too.

I’m going to share the books and the playlist that have helped me the most during this time. First, I’m going to rapid-fire ten lessons I learned over the past eighteen months.

Ten Lessons I’ve Learned One Year Post-Divorce

1. 1. 1. My counselor told me about the four stages of grief from divorce, which go hand-in-hand with the five steps outlined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. See them in this post.
      2. It’s not that they don’t SEE – it’s that they don’t AGREE. So I eventually stopped trying to get abusers to see clear truth and focused more on managing my own emotions.
      3. Along those lines, don’t negotiate with emotional terrorists. The U.S. didn’t negotiate with terrorists post-9/11, and we shouldn’t negotiate with those bent on harming us either. See more HERE.
      4. You can and need to say whatever you need to say to God. Your prayers will get messy post-divorce, and God understands. Learn more on this post.
      5. It’s OK for a good girl to get angry at God. It’s natural, and I’d argue healthy, to get angry at God over the injustice of divorce – as long as you don’t stay there forever. Read more HERE.
      6. Grief follows a bell curve. You can see a photo of it and track your progress HERE.
      7. People unintentionally say hurtful things to you after divorce. You may hear things like THESE. However, you can process them with a counselor like I did, which has been so very helpful.
      8. Your body stores trauma. It keeps the score and manifests pain in ways you probably don’t realize. I talk about it in three episodes of my podcast, starting with THIS ONE. I also talk about broken heart syndrome HERE.
      9. My highly sensitive nature and photographic memory have made my grief harder. If you have either of these, learn more in THIS POST.
      10. Grief is non-linear, and so is healing. I’m currently on a healing journey, and you can see my favorite quote from the book I’m using on my healing journey HERE.

If you’d like to track more lessons I’ve learned post-divorce, please check out my podcast for adult children of divorce HERE.

Books That Have Helped Me Most One Year Post-Divorce

I collected the books that have helped me most in my divorce recovery in this Amazon list. Here are a few facts from each book that are helping me:

How to Handle Adversity – God knew about your divorce in advance and is still in control, and he’s still good!

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality – I went through a dark night of the soul when my faith was deeply shaken, and this book affirmed it and helped me through it.

The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make – Practical parenting help in a short and convenient read.

Trust – There are five important stages before you can trust again.

Hope for Healing from Domestic Abuse – Emotional abuse is domestic abuse.

You’re Going to Make It – An ideal book when you’re past most of the grief and ready to start healing.

Living Unbroken – Friday nights can be redeemed, loneliness is inevitable but manageable, and cleaning is a good use of your time. (See the giveaway info below!)

Life Can Be Good Again – Hope from a widow’s story that applies to divorced women too.

Divorce Care 365 Daily Devotions – These devotions gave me a well-rounded view of life after divorce.

When “I Do” Becomes “I Don’t” – Wise words and affirmation from a woman who understands.

Necessary Endings – The part about sinners, fools, and wicked people changed everything for me. A must-read.

Safe People – To help you make better choices moving forward.

The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce – This book helped me heal from my own childhood wounds and is educating me as a parent now.

It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way and Forgiving What You Can’t Forget  – So much affirmation and wisdom from Lysa, who has walked through even deeper valleys than me.

Also, I can’t leave out this book that isn’t on Amazon:

This book taught me not to even think about forgiving or moving in a new direction until I get all the anger out. It also taught me to renovate my space and even my wardrobe to create newness of life. It’s hard-hitting, practical, and useful – get it HERE.

Living Unbroken Giveaway

I’m giving away a copy of Living Unbroken and the Living Unbroken Workbook to one U.S. resident. Enter the giveaway at the bottom of this post.

My One Year Post-Divorce Playlist

Christian music has been a lifeline for me one year post-divorce. I learned that praising God through singing worship songs is a great way to fight back in spiritual warfare and lift my spirits. I hope you enjoy THIS LIST as much as I do.

Book Giveaway!

If you’d like a chance to win a copy of Living Unbroken and the accompanying workbook, please follow these steps. Thank you!

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Prayer Requests

Do you have a prayer request for me? I’d be honored to pray for you, and I hold your prayer requests in complete confidence. Send me your request HERE.

Get a free, one-time counseling session and referral HERE, like I did many years ago.

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