How to Show Love to a Bully

Today’s post is based on chapter 14 of my book, Newness of Life.

In my current season, I face a bully almost every day.  A person who makes every interaction unpleasant.  A person who doesn’t own their bully status, but fights with snarky words and subtle put-downs.  A person who does all they can to convey the message that I’m unwanted, unappreciated, and better off somewhere else.

This bully gives me the perfect opportunity for a time to love even when it’s hard.  Over time I’ve adopted five practices for showing love to this bully.

Prayer

Jesus told us to pray for our enemies, and I decided to put this into action.  As I’ve prayed for this person, my eyes have been opened to the challenges they face: loneliness, broken relationships, constant frustration.  Praying blessings on this person has rooted the hate out of my heart and replaced it with compassion.

Compliments

When this person wears something nice or does something well, I offer a genuine compliment.  I want this person to see me as someone other than an adversary.  When I offer a compliment, I heap burning coals of kindness on this person’s head.

Learning

I take mental notes of how NOT to treat others from this person.  I try to do this with a humble attitude.  I think, “If I was as blind to my faults as this person was, I’d probably act the same way.”  In interacting with this person, I have learned to pray often that God would search my heart and reveal my blind offenses.

Keeping Silent

Not every battle is worth fighting.  I don’t regret the battles I’ve fought with this person, but as time goes on, I’m becoming wiser over what is worth the next battle.  As I heard many times growing up, when I can’t say something nice, I don’t say anything at all.  Also I am learning to trust in God as my Defender; I don’t have to stand up every time, because He is fighting on my behalf.

Seeking Counsel

Sometimes the pressure of dealing with a bully builds up, and I have to talk about it to release it.  A few trusted friends have given me affirmation and new perspective, which helps me face this situation with renewed strength.

I don’t know how long this season will last.  Yet I am choosing to believe God has a purpose for me in this trial, as long as He asks me to stay in it.

I don’t know when the next attack will occur.  But I am choosing to live in faith instead of fear.  

I don’t know whether others will back me up in the next battle, or if I will face it alone.  Today, I am claiming the promises of Psalm 18:1-2, and I am choosing to trust in my Strength, my Rock, my Fortress, my Deliverer, my Shield, my Salvation, and my Stronghold.  

God will protect me from harm and lift me up in due time, out of this bully situation, and set me free.

Questions for reflection: 

In which life situation are you tempted to lash out in hate, rather than respond with love?

Which linked Bible verse in the five suggestions inspires you today?

What practical step can you take today to love when it’s hard?

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