How to Fight Fear When You Love an Addict

If you love an addict, you fight fear every single day. I have been affected by my loved ones’ addictions each day of my life. Fear has been an unwelcome companion as far back as I can remember. Yet I have learned to fight fear well with God’s help. I want to share what I’ve learned with you today so you can also find hope and healing.

Fighting Fear When You Love an Addict

• Your loved one may die from an overdose or in an accident while drunk or high.
• Your loved one may experience permanent disability due to an accident while under the influence.
• Someone else could be killed or injured if your loved one causes an accident while drunk or high.
• Your loved one could become violent while drunk or high. (***If this applies to you, stop reading right now and call the police or a crisis hotline and seek immediate shelter for yourself and/or your children.)
• Your loved one could be arrested for driving under the influence, child endangerment, or other criminal behaviors linked to the addiction.
• Upon an conviction for driving under the influence, your loved one could lose his or her driver’s license and make life extremely complicated for you and your family.
• Your loved one could act out sexually while drunk or high, which could ruin your marriage and/or destroy your family.
• You could experience temporary or permanent financial losses linked to your loved one’s arrest, incarceration, loss of job, or health problems related to the addiction.
• Your loved one could die a premature death or develop serious health issues due to the abuse he/she is enacting on his/her body with the addiction, leaving you feeling abandoned.
• You may experience judgment, isolation, and other negative consequences from family, friends, your church, your community, and/or your employer if they find out the truth about your loved one’s addiction.
• You could experience horrible shame and embarrassment if your loved ones’ addiction problems are reported in the local news outlets.
• One of your worst fears is that your children may experience the same addiction as your loved one and/or marry someone who is an addict, perpetuating the painful cycle into the next generation.
• You worry that if you set boundaries against your loved one’s addiction, he/she will leave you or make your life even more miserable than it already is.
• You worry that your heart, mind, and soul will never heal from the pain you have endured due to your loved one’s addiction.

For people who do not have an addict in their close circle, these fears are extreme and far-fetched. For those of us who love addicts of alcohol or drugs, these fears are imminent, or at the bare minimum probable, every single day. Every time your loved one uses, these fears materialize. Each time he or she gets behind the wheel after using, these fears are heightened to mountain-sized peaks. If you are like I once was, you probably feel helpless to change the situation, which only fuels your fears.

However, you CAN move from fear to freedom, even when you love an addict. The only way to do this is to seek God’s help and take several specific actions to begin healing. Before I describe this process, I want to tell you my story about how I learned to fight fear while continuing to love several addicts.

Do you love an addict? I know that you fight fear every day, because I do too. Yet we can fight our fears with faith when we rely on God for help. #addiction #spiritualgrowth #fightfear #semowriter Click To Tweet

My Story of Healing

About 10 years ago, I watched my first episode of Intervention on A & E Television. The television show held me transfixed; I could not stop watching it. The wild stories of addiction seemed oddly familiar to me in ways I couldn’t explain at the time, since I didn’t yet recognize myself as a family member of an addict. But God used many episodes of Intervention to slowly open my eyes to the truth about my suffering.

Around the same time, I began attending Christian counseling at least twice per month for five years. My counselor helped me recognize the long-reaching effects of addiction on my life, even though I have never been an addict myself. He wisely spoke the truth in love to me, and God used his insights to help me find freedom from the shackles of my past and present situations.

I began reading counseling books to supplement what I was learning in my sessions. The book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend completely changed my life. I started to understand how I had become an enabler in relationships with at least three addicts whom I loved.

When I began setting boundaries with the addicts, I experienced a great deal of push-back. However, for the first time in my life, I felt free from their criticism and controlling natures. I learned that their addiction problem started with them and spilled over onto me, but it wasn’t my fault. I also learned about the toxic power of traumatic bonding in addictive relationships from this powerful book.

In 2017, I drove eight hours from home to my first women’s retreat to celebrate my 40th birthday. While I was at the retreat, God spoke clearly to me about my need to receive specific help since I loved several addicts. I knew I should seek help, and I wanted to, but I put it off. I think I was scared about getting honest about the problem with people I didn’t know. Yet the addicts’ behaviors kept having negative impacts on my life, and I had to experience more pain before feeling compelled to take the next step.

In January 2019, I attended my first Al-Anon meeting. This is where the final pieces of my healing journey fell into place. Although I had already experienced much healing through counseling, I needed the support of others who have walked in my shoes. We cried together, hugged and encouraged one another. Now I finally feel free from the choke-hold power of the fears I listed above, thanks to the 12 steps and the loving support of people who understand exactly how I feel.

At Al-Anon, I learned how to draw closer to God even though I could not magically fix the addiction problems. He helped me deal with my tendencies toward self-pity, hopelessness, and resentment, which are three common problems for all people who love an addict. I had to learn how to surrender my problems every day over to God’s control, trust him for the outcomes, and handle only one day at a time. Though it has only been a few months since my first meeting, my relationship with God has grown exponentially during that time. My fears have not disappeared, but I have learned to fight them with far more effective tools.

5 Ways to Fight Fear With God’s Help

When you love an addict, you must take specific actions to fight your many fears. God is ready and willing to help you. He will cheer you on as you tackle your part of the addiction problems that have held you captive. If you bravely step out in faith, God will guide you along a healing path with these five methods.

Pray without ceasing.

Prayer is essential for helping you quell your fears. It is your direct connection line to God when fears threaten to overtake you. Send up as many prayer requests as you like, as often as you like. Be honest with God about your emotions, fears and anger. He will help you heal the more you talk to him. If you go to God first in prayer, he will start helping you change even if your situation never changes. Prayer will also help you show compassion to your addict. It will soften your heart while making it stronger at the same time.

Meet with a Christian counselor.

The money and time I spent on five years of Christian counseling has been the best investment I ever made. You need to invest in yourself by visiting with a Christian counselor. Loving an addict tears your heart out, and a counselor’s objective observations can help you protect your heart from further damage. To find a counselor in your area, you can call Focus on the Family at 1-800-232-6459. A trained Christian counselor will listen to your concerns, pray with you over the phone, and recommend a counselor to you. I made that call years ago, and it changed my life for good. Yours can change too if you start investing in yourself through individual counseling.

Begin attending a support group.

When you love an addict, it’s really not enough to simply attend Christian counseling. You need support and encouragement from people who are walking beside you in similar messes. Find an Al-Anon group in your area or a similar group to help you walk on a healing path. It takes courage to attend these support groups, but your life will dramatically change for the better if you attend at least six sessions in a row.

Meditate on Scripture every day.

My upcoming book on Christian meditation explains the value of using Scripture to fight common thought life problems, such as fear. As you carefully consider God’s Word every day, mulling over it in your mind, God will use it to transform your thinking. You can also use the meditation verses to enhance your prayers as you pray them back to God.

I’ve selected some key verses that have helped me in this fight against fear, and I created a free printable page for you below. I’ve made it look basic so if your addict sees it, he or she won’t know that you are using it in this specific fight. Click on the image to download the printable, post it in an area where you will see it regularly, and meditate on them often to fight your fears and gain God’s perfect peace.

Scripture Meditations for Fighting Fear

Read helpful books.

The following books have helped me get a handle on my relationship problems with the addicts I love. I hope they will help you too. Please select one or more of these books based on your relationship with your addict, whether this person is your spouse, parent, sibling, child or another close relationship.

The Best Books for Family Members of Addicts

As I mentioned before, Boundaries is a must-read if you love an addict. It completely transformed my thinking and gave me powerful tools to fight fear. Buy one copy for yourself and at least one more to pass along to your friends. Your life will permanently change for the better if you apply the biblical principles in this excellent book.

If you decide to join a healing program like Al-Anon or Celebrate Recovery, this devotional will help keep you on track. I also have the 28-day version of this book and I keep it in my purse for encouraging reminders. It will give you hope through Scripture, brief devotions and prayers. You can use it as a springboard for Christian meditation.

Please check out my other popular posts about addiction and fighting fear:

Perfect Love Casts Out Fear – my prize-winning post from 2017

When Addiction Afflicts Your Family – hope in John 5:1-15

Thank you for allowing me to speak into your painful situation today. If you want me to pray for you as you seek help, I would be honored to do so. Simply reach out to me through my Contact page.

This post is one of many in the From Fear to Freedom Tour. I encourage you to check out the excellent list of posts on fighting fear here. Many of my blogging friends are featured in this list, and I’ve checked out all of their posts. You’ll be encouraged when you read these wonderful posts!

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