Do you know that a cross-cultural friendship holds many unique blessings? I have had the joy of experiencing two precious cross-cultural friendships, and I want to tell you how you can reap the blessings of these kinds of friendships too. With the right approach, these types of friendships can build your faith and create evangelistic opportunities for you.
My First Cross-Cultural Friendship
I opened the door of the ice cream shop. As a newly transferred college student six hours from home, I needed flexible working hours. So I asked to speak to the manager at Baskin Robbins, the franchise where I had previously worked at home.
She was a tiny Indian woman with a warm smile and easy laugh. Her name was Rajul, and she became my boss and my friend.
In the afternoons, we chatted while we built ice cream cakes. She stacked the layers and I decorated the tops. I was hungry for conversation to distract me from my study load. She was a busy mom eager for someone to listen.
Rajul and her husband had come to America years before, seeking better futures for their children. Through stories she introduced me to the food, clothing, and customs of her homeland. She planned to arrange the marriages for both of her children, arranging trips back to India to find their spouses. We talked at length about marriage, a topic I soaked up as a child of divorce.
Sharing Your Faith with Your Cross-Cultural Friend
The subject of religion came up one day. I had left my home and a full scholarship at my local university to attend the private Christian college in her area. She was fascinated that I felt personally called by God to step out in faith. Her Hindu belief worked differently. She had a shrine in her home and regularly left trinkets and treasures there as offerings, seeking favor from one of many gods.
This news came as a shock. I had grown up in a not-very-diverse place where almost everyone was the same race and believed in God. Evangelism was a foreign concept to me at this age as well.
I knew I wasn’t going to convert Rajul with any of the heavy-hitting lessons from my doctrine classes. I didn’t know if I should continue to work for an unbeliever. A struggle ensued in my 19-year-old heart.
In my dorm room that night, I searched Scripture for guidance. Matthew 5:16 (NLT) spoke to me:
Let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
I realized that God had put Rajul and me together. Even though the new knowledge made me uncomfortable, God prompted me to enjoy our friendship and let my own faith stories shine a light into her life.
Over the next several months, I looked forward to our afternoons together. Looking back, I realize we both needed each other. She hadn’t made many American friends, and she longed for conversation with someone other than her husband. She also missed her daughter who was away at school. I was a substitute daughter for her; she was a substitute mom for homesick me. Our cross-cultural friendship was an unexpected blessing in a lonely time for us both.
When the time drew closer to graduation, Rajul offered me a job as a manager of one of her stores. I was honored she thought so highly of me, but I was moving back home to pursue another degree. On our last day together, we embraced and shed tears. Then she gave me one of the best compliments I’ve ever received.
She said, “I’ve met a lot of Christians here, but you’re the real deal.”
As the years have passed, I’ve pondered her statement. My Indian friend and I were worlds apart in faith, yet she respected me. God taught me to listen without judging and share without preaching. He showed me how to genuinely care about my friend despite our differences.
I didn’t hide my faith under a basket, but I tried hard not to burn my friend with a too-powerful beam. God helped me shine the right amount of light at the right time, so she could see Jesus through me.
It’s been 20 years since I last saw Rajul. I’m not in touch with her anymore, but I hope she has found more American friends who are real-deal Christians.
I didn’t hide my faith under a basket, but I tried hard not to burn my cross-cultural friend with a too-powerful beam. #evangelism #friendship Click To Tweet
My Second Cross-Cultural Friendship
In 2015, my church offered an opportunity for members to sponsor an international student at our local university (my alma mater for my art degree). I requested a girl from Germany, because I hoped to learn more about the country where most of my ancestors called home.
I met my new friend Isabel at a parade for the district fair. She was a graduate student in the international business program. This beautiful young woman, half German and half Brazilian, was in our area for only one semester. She wanted to see all that America had to offer as she focused on financial lessons.
Connecting With Your Cross-Cultural Friend
Isabel was thrilled to know someone with a vehicle who could drive her to Aldi for groceries, JCPenney for clothing, and Panera for hot chocolate and bagels. She said being without a vehicle in America made her feel like she was “disabled.” Back in Germany, where she lived across the street from a chocolate factory (heaven!), she could walk everywhere. But in our sprawling country, that’s next to impossible. I had never really considered how much my white minivan was a blessing until Isabel showed me.
She loved to cook, and we swapped recipe ideas. We also talked about college life, how men are SO different from women, and relationships. Isabel was from a broken home, just like me, and I felt honored that she opened her heart to me.
After weeks of shopping and Panera brunches, we talked about church. She was open to learning more, though church hadn’t been a priority when she was growing up. I tried to answer her questions about faith with gentleness and honesty. I invited her to come along with us, and toward the end of her semester here, she agreed. My heart filled with joy as she took my hand and prayed with me, then stood by me as we took communion together.
We agreed that we would have chosen each other as friends, even if we hadn’t been matched together by the program. I am blessed to have known her for those few autumn months, and we keep in touch through Facebook now. The next Christmas, we texted back and forth about our Christmas meals. I loved seeing her German and Brazilian dishes, and wished I could have sampled each one!
I had never really considered how much my white minivan was a blessing until my cross-cultural friend showed me. #crossculturalfriendship #friendship Click To Tweet
The Blessings of Cross-Cultural Friendships
My life is richer because I got to know both of these beautiful souls. Even though our walks of faith were very different, we found common bonds as women and built upon them.
You can enrich your outlook on the world by choosing cross-cultural friendships. God can expand your viewpoints and open your eyes to new truths. Your faith will be stretched, and your evangelistic muscles will be strengthened.
My cross-cultural friendships have even helped me be a better friend to my existing acquaintances. I have more patience, better listening skills, and a warmer heart after experiencing these friendships. They challenge and grow me differently than my native friendships, and the blessing of my spiritual growth flows over onto my existing friends.
Your heart will be full in new ways when you make your first cross-cultural friend. #friendship #diversity #faith Click To Tweet
How to Pursue Cross-Cultural Friendships
Here are eight tips for pursuing cross-cultural friendships:
Pray for an opportunity to arise.
Open your heart to God’s guidance, and he will open your eyes to the opportunities.
Look for people who are different from you.
If you live in an area that isn’t racially diverse, like mine, you will need to get creative. Check with your church and local universities about students that want to engage in American culture. At your children’s school, reach out to families who may be here on temporary work assignments. You can also find cross-cultural friends at volunteer events.
Connect over food.
When you share a meal together, you will both feel more relaxed. Food is also a great conversation topic. Ask your friend what their favorite meals are in their home country. They will love to tell you about this! You don’t have to host meals, though that is wonderful. A cafe works just fine.
Offer practical help.
Don’t be afraid to ask if your new friend needs any help. They will be relieved to have a connection with someone who “knows the ropes” in American society. You can bless them greatly in ways you probably take for granted, like going to the grocery store.
Practice listening skills.
Ask lots of questions and thoughtfully consider the responses, which will create material for more questions. You will build trust by showing interest in your new friend, and everyone loves to talk about themselves. You show love best by being an excellent listener.
Talk about your faith once the relationship has taken hold.
Simply enjoy getting to know the person first. I find it easiest to share my own stories of faith as a matter of personal experience. This helps pique your new friend’s curiosity. If they know that you care about them through all the other conversations you have had, they will be willing to listen to you talk about faith.
Don’t judge.
It’s human nature to want to find friends who are exactly like us and judge everyone who is different. But this isn’t healthy, and it won’t win you new friends. Hold back your words and facial expressions if you don’t agree. You can always say something like, “That’s really interesting” or “I’ve never thought about it that way before.”
Preserve your friend’s freedom.
If they don’t want to go to church with you, don’t press. Let them decide in their own time. Keep praying for them and meeting them where they are.
Eight tips for pursuing a cross-cultural friendship. #friendship #crossculturalfriendship Click To Tweet
I hope God brings me more cross-cultural friendships, so my faith can grow and my light can shine in new places. Do you hope for the same?
If you have tips on cultivating cross-cultural friendships, please share in the comments below!
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