“A vast, unsoothable sense of loneliness”1 was my unwelcome companion for many years after my parents’ divorce. A deep sense of longing accompanied the loneliness, which I called “the wanting” when I was a child.
Essays
Trust: My Broken View of Men
In my previous post, I hinted at my childhood confusion in my view of men. Naturally curious, I wanted to know how relationships between the sexes worked. But my view was deeply damaged by my parents’ divorce.
3 Tough Transitions as a child of divorce
My parents’ divorce ushered in many tough transitions in my childhood years. After much thought, I have grouped them in three categories: new responsibilities, new relationships, and new home life. Each area became a testing ground for my emotions, and I have gained much insight from looking back and making observations. Here is what I’ve learned.
Abandonment: a fear that haunts
The fear of abandonment still haunts me, 33 Aprils from that traumatic first time.
Searching for a “real” family
My red notebook from junior high holds one recurring theme—a wish to go back in time. Sure, it details the requisite girl drama, secret crushes, and bad poetry. But over and over again a lament sounds: “I wish I could be five years old again, when life wasn’t so complicated.” Until I reread this notebook … Read more