You can begin again after marriage separation with God’s help. By following God’s plan for marriage, you can have a fresh start with greater hope. This is what happened in my story, and it can happen in yours too.
The Difficulties of Marriage Separation
If you are facing a separation or already inside one, I know how scary it can be. In 2015 my husband and I separated for several weeks. I’m grateful that it was a short, informal separation that led to reconciliation. I’m even more grateful for the spiritual lessons I learned in that difficult time.
Marriage separation creates a strain on your mind, heart, body and soul. It tempts you to become hysterical, obsessed, and hopeless. You may cling desperately to God, or you may turn away from him, even back and forth on the same day. It’s a roller coaster of terrible emotions, because you literally don’t know what the future holds.
I have heard that the meaning of the word “crisis” encompasses both trouble and opportunity. Marriage separation is a crisis of relationship and faith. I only got through the turmoil of my separation with God’s help.
Through prayer, godly counsel, solid books, and regular church attendance, I began to see the light of hope. I had to set boundaries and stand firm in my faith. God saw my needs and met them. He delivered us from our marriage separation and granted us restoration.
Marriage separation does not always lead to reconciliation, but it can always lead to greater faith. Whether you get back together with your spouse or not, you can build your relationship with God. On a minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour basis, he will guide you into the best choices to make. He will show you what to do and give you supernatural comfort.
Marriage separation does not always lead to reconciliation, but it can always lead to greater faith. #marriagehelp #separation #faith Click To Tweet
My Story of Marriage Separation
Here is my story of marriage separation from 2015.
I pulled the shattered fragments of my heart together to simply survive that day.
The night before, my husband and I had the worst fight of our 14-year marriage. We both boiled over in ways without precedent. As the argument progressed, I put my heart in safekeeping, away from any further hurt. We ended the night with ultimatums and deadlines, turning our backs to one other in our king-sized bed.
We were like enemies laying down weapons for a brief holiday reprieve.
At church that Sunday morning, I held back tears as I watched other couples show signs of affection. For our children’s sake, I sat through two family gatherings with a pasted-on smile. While they hunted eggs, I distanced myself as far as possible from my husband, wondering if this would be our last holiday as a couple.
We were like enemies laying down weapons for a brief holiday reprieve - from my story of marriage separation and reconciliation. #marriagehelp #separation #christianencouragement Click To Tweet
What Led Up to Our Marriage Separation
It wasn’t the first holiday I wondered whether our marriage would last. We both had come from divorced homes. Neither of us had healthy examples to follow. Both of us had loads of baggage and broken hearts. We looked to each other for healing yet became dissatisfied only two weeks after our marriage.
Everyday spats turned into a vicious cycle. My hurt fueled his anger, and his anger fueled my hurt. After a few years of marriage our arguments disintegrated into emotional abuse. Both of us were broken in different ways. Both of us desperately needed a new start.
On that difficult Easter Sunday in 2015, I didn’t know that within two weeks my husband would pack his bags and leave me and our three children. My worst memories as a child of divorce came to life again, and I watched my children suffer with the same pain.
The Faith Inside a Marriage Separation
Even though that April brought destruction like a spring tornado, it also brought renegade faith to life. I was not giving up on our marriage without a fight. The day after he left, I called my team of supporters. They had walked beside me in the past few years as my faith had grown strong. They had seen new growth in me and prayed for new growth in him.
Every day of our separation, prayer was my food. I prayed for new life in our marriage. We didn’t need to go back and repair the damage; we needed to begin again from scratch. I wanted us to start over with God at the center.
With renegade faith, I prayed that the strongholds would be broken and that nothing would permanently separate us. I prayed for God to show me what to do next.
Every day of our marriage separation, prayer was my food. #marriagehelp #separation #prayer Click To Tweet
The Hope Within a Marriage Separation
I read several helpful books that spring, including this one by Dr. Gary Chapman. He had seen a client’s separation turn around when the wife made a pie for her estranged husband. The healing began the day she delivered his favorite pie.
I heard God whispering to my heart when I read that story. You like to bake…what is his favorite dessert? I remembered how much he liked cheesecake. Working up my nerve, I invited him over for supper on a Sunday night. He agreed, and I prepared our home, a special meal, and my heart for his arrival.
He showed a jumble of emotions. Dejected and frustrated, confused and restless, he seemed to show signs of regret. But I wasn’t willing to settle for regret; I wanted repentance. He grilled steaks while I finished the sides. While we shared a family meal on the porch, I watched him wipe away tears a few times. This strong, imposing figure was cracking in front of us.
After supper, he asked me to take a walk while the children watched a movie. I knew he was changing because he never wanted to take walks with me before. On our walk he held my hand, and we both hugged and cried when we said goodbye. We hadn’t touched in weeks, so we crossed an important threshold that Sunday.
Our God specializes in resurrecting the dead, whether deceased bodies or dead marriages. #marriagehelp #separation #hope Click To Tweet
How to Begin Again After Marriage Separation
In the weeks to come God softened both our hearts. My husband put forth serious effort to change his destructive ways. I dialed back my expectations and began to appreciate the good things he offered.
In late May, my husband and I reconciled. We agreed to begin again as a new couple in a new marriage. We agreed to move forward in faith.
It’s been years since that painful Easter. Our God specializes in resurrecting the dead, whether deceased bodies or dead marriages. Sometimes I am amazed at how different my life is now that I’m not in survival mode. I constantly thank God that the destructive cycles no longer play out in our marriage. I praise Him for answering my prayers for healing.
The year of our separation, I wouldn’t have believed this much change was possible. But with God all things are possible, and the total transformation in our marriage is proof.
God granted me renegade faith so I could fight for our marriage when it teetered on the edge of death. I give all the glory to God who allowed us to begin again on a healthy path.
God granted me renegade faith so I could fight for our marriage when it teetered on the edge of death. #marriagehelp #separation #reconciliation Click To TweetNeed more marriage help? Visit THIS PAGE to learn about a free consultation call with a Christian counselor, and see all of my popular marriage posts there too.
If you liked this post, I would appreciate your shares on social media!
This post may be linked up at several of these linkups.
If you make a purchase through the provided links, I receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you in advance for supporting my writing ministry!
I send my weekly newsletter Tea on Tuesdays at 3:00 p.m. Central time every Tuesday. I write an exclusive devotion for you each week.
To receive the newsletter, please subscribe below. I can’t wait to share personally with you each week!