Are You a Good Listener?

Are you a good listener? If you are a good listener, you are one of the rarest types in our fast-paced culture. Even if you aren’t a good listener, you can learn to become one. That’s what I want to talk about with you on this Tea on Tuesdays devotion.

Good listeners are few and far between in our world. All of us are dealing with busy schedules, information overload, and loneliness. These issues can make us less likely to listen well and more likely to focus inward.

However, a good listener helps people feel loved and affirmed. Listening may be the main way we can show people we care in this busy time of history. You’ll get noticed if you stop and really listen to someone.

Ask yourself these questions to determine if you are a good listener:

Does your mind often drift into other places while someone else is talking?
Do you pay enough attention to a conversation that you can repeat the last sentence or phrase someone said?
Do you tend to think about what you will say next when another person is talking?
If the conversation gets interrupted by an outside condition, are you unable to pick it back up?
Has someone ever said, “You’re not really listening to me, are you?” or “Why can’t you just listen to me?”

If you answered yes to most of these questions, I have good news for you. You can learn to be a better listener, and the Bible shows us how.

Ask yourself these questions to determine if you are a good listener. #listeningskills #personaldevelopment Click To Tweet

Listening Matters to God

God is the best listener. He also expects his followers to listen well. Jesus is our ultimate example of a good listener, and we can see this in many vignettes from the Bible.

I love how well Jesus listened to people. He was the Savior of the whole world, but when he practiced his ministry on earth, it was often on a one-to-one basis. You can sense his listening spirit in the story of the woman at the well in John 4.

He wants us to listen well to his teachings first. We learn about this in the parable of the sower in Matthew 13. The ones who hear his message receive it and are fruitful. The ones who don’t hear well, due to hardness of heart, shallow faith, or worldly distractions, don’t receive God’s blessings to the fullest extent. Jesus tells us this:

To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given, and they will have an abundance of knowledge. But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them.

Matthew 13:12 NLT

When we learn to listen well to God, we will become better listeners to others. Here’s a quote from another post I wrote about listening:

“Listening shows that we care. It is acknowledging that the speaker is made in the image of God and dearly loved by our Lord. Listening goes beyond common courtesy because it requires us to pause, focus intently on someone else and process their point of view. It doesn’t mean that we have to agree – but it does mean that we took the time to carefully consider their perspective.

When people feel like they are being heard well by a good listener, they feel appreciated and respected. They will even open up more, because they sense the person is trustworthy. When they don’t feel like the other person is listening well, they get defensive, going into attack mode or shutting down. They stop listening when they aren’t listened to well. That’s why learning to listen well is so important; it keeps the door open to relationships.”

When we learn to listen well to God, we will become better listeners to others. #christianliving #intentionalliving Click To Tweet

To improve our relationships and our witness for the Lord, we must commit to becoming better listeners. Here’s how.

How to Become a Better Listener

I have learned to be a better listener through my training to become a Stephen Minister. We Stephen Ministers spend most of our time listening to others rather than sharing advice. Here are some of the tips I’ve learned to become a better listener.

Start with your family.

Many of us struggle most in listening to our own family members. I know how difficult it is to pay attention when so many things at home cry out for my attention. But stopping to really listen to a family member demonstrates love and care probably better than any other gift or act of service you can give. Taking just five minutes per day per family member can make a huge difference in your home.

Remove distractions.

What distracts you most from listening to others? Is it your phone, the television, housework or something else? Commit to stepping away from the distraction while you are listening. Then you’ll be much more likely to focus and demonstrate love. For example, I have learned to turn my whole body away from my computer while talking to my children.

Practice active listening.

Active listening is a tool you can use to quickly improve your listening skills. After a loved one says something, you can say, “I heard you say _____. Did I get that right?” You need to say this in a neutral tone, not defensive or accusing. Then the person either affirms or clarifies what they said. You can repeat this until you and the speaker agree on what is being said. This tool is especially helpful if you have reached a sticking point in your communication with someone. I’ve used this technique with my husband and children, and it really helps.

Ask thoughtful questions.

Good questions are the key to becoming a truly wonderful listener. While the person is talking, think about questions that will draw them out more. Not with one-word answers, but with deeper answers. “Tell me more” is a good place to start, and you can get more creative as you listen well to the speaker and customize your questions.

Have a servant heart.

The bottom line is this: listening is an act of service. Since the world is becoming increasingly fast-paced and self-centered, fewer and fewer people may reciprocate the good listening you offer. Yet the care you demonstrate in good listening can open doors to relationships in the future. Remember that listening well is a way to shine the light of Jesus into others’ lives, and it reflects his servant heart. Also remember that God is always available to listen to you!

5 tips to help you become a better listener. #listen #listenwell #relationshiphelp Click To Tweet

Great Books on Listening

I recommend these two books for learning how to listen well:

The Listening Life by Adam S. McHugh

My favorite quote:

“Listening is an act of servanthood, and serving is hard. There are no accolades in serving. When a servant is doing his job, no one notices. If we wish to imitate Jesus and become servants, we must learn how to listen.”

Get your copy at Amazon or ChristianBook.com.

Listen Well, Lead Better by Steve and Becky Harling

My favorite quote:

“People are profoundly impacted when you know and understand them enough to affirm their strengths.”

Get your copy at Amazon or ChristianBook.com.

2 great books to help you polish your listening skills. #listening #personaldevelopment #bookrecommendations2 great books to help you polish your listening skills. #listening #personaldevelopment #bookrecommendations Click To Tweet

Prayer

Here’s a prayer about becoming a good listener.

Father God,

I praise you because you always listen to me.

You are available anytime to hear my prayers, and I am so grateful.

I confess that I do not always reflect your image in listening to others.

Too often, I am distracted or self-centered.

I want others to listen to me more than I want to listen to them.

Forgive me, Lord. Help me work toward becoming a better listener.

Teach me by your example, Jesus, to love others by listening to them.

Guide me, Holy Spirit, as I seek to listen to others as an act of service.

May my listening skills improve for your glory, Lord.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Prayer Requests

Do you have a prayer request for me? I’d be honored to pray for you, and I hold your prayer requests in complete confidence. Send me your request HERE.

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