Be His Private Garden

I’m glad you’ve joined me for day 3 of this 10-day series, “How to Be the Wife He Really Wants.”

Think about the most beautiful garden you’ve visited.  What if you had it all to yourself?

The most beautiful gardens I’ve visited are the Missouri Botanical Gardens.  I love the wide array of colors, shapes, textures, and fragrances which delight my senses.  My favorite place is the Climatron, a large greenhouse filled with tropical plants and butterflies.  I enjoy the sound of rushing water from the fountains.  It’s fun to spy butterflies flitting in and out of shady places.  And I also take pleasure in spotting a lovely orchid growing in an obscure corner.  This greenhouse holds more subtle, hidden pleasures than the tulip beds and cherry trees, vying for attention in the wide-open.

I love to garden, and I have several flowerbeds and vegetable spaces.  One of my favorites is a hidden garden underneath our children’s wooden play set.  Shaded from the sun, several varieties of native ferns thrive in the cool space. It’s a private delight to me, because it’s not on display for others to see.  

You are a private garden for your husband.  Only he is privy to all the delights you offer.  He is the only one who enjoys the full array of your beauty.  Only he knows your most intimate self.  He is the only one meant to have full access to your heart, besides God.

Take a look at this scripture:

You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain. Song of Songs 4:12 NLT

When you are intimate with your husband, you are his private garden, and he is yours.  You create something unique, lovely, and even holy when you delight only in each other’s embrace.

Listen to this quote by Jill Savage from The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage:

Have you ever thought of sex as recreation? It is! God gave us the gift of sex as a form of recreation in our marriage.  It’s our own private playground where God intends for us to enjoy physical pleasure.

As I’m sure you have learned, your husband feels closest to you when you are intimate together.  Your husband is wired to bond to you emotionally at the peak of intimate pleasure, inside the center of the private garden you share with him.  This is when he feels most love for you and most loved by you…it’s worth spending effort to prepare for him mentally, physically, and emotionally when you grasp this truth.

When my husband and I were in a hard spot years ago, we attended counseling together.  The counselor asked us to list ways that we appreciated each other.  I was surprised by one of my husband’s answers: “I share myself only with her in the bedroom, not with anyone else.”  At a time when our verbal communication was stalled, physical intimacy was his sharing ground.  We still needed to work on communication, but once I saw sex as another communication pathway, I relaxed my expectations and placed value on sex the way God intended me to do.

Here are three ways I’m choosing to be a private garden this week:

• Reserve some stories only for him.  It’s tempting to share my thoughts and concerns with my friends first.  But I want him to have primary access to my heart, so I’m reserving a few things for his ears only.
• Reserve some energy only for him.  I have more energy for intimate time together when I take a short nap after work.  If I don’t rest before checking emails, exercising, and cooking supper, I’m completely spent once I lay down.  I want to make sure I’m not too tired to be intimate.
• Reserve my heart only for him.  I must throw away any careless images and daydreams, reserving my musings and ideas of romance only for my husband.  This is one reason I avoid reading romance novels; they tempt my mind to stray.

What practical step can you take today to be a private garden to YOUR husband?  I would love to hear your suggestions in the comments below!

Join me tomorrow for Day 4, Be His Friend.  And catch up on Day 1 and Day 2 here!

Photo generously provided by Lillian at Embracing the Lovely.  Visit her site for more beauty and inspiration!

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